Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Training some
men to clean
By Ann Ipock November
29, 2005
This just in: I recently read of an interesting study dealing with men
and chores. I know, “men and chores” in the same article is
an oxymoron, wouldn’t you say?
How can that be since you rarely see men and chores in the same house,
much less the same article? It went on to say that 20 percent of men report
they perform housework; such as cleaning or laundry, versus a vast majority
(read: 98 percent, I’m guessing) of women who perform housework.
This Very Official Poll from the Ohio State University Extension Service
says men would need to perform 60 percent more housework to catch up to
the current household workload of women. OK, now we’re talking.
Score one for the women.
Not that I’m trying to cause a major world war here — I’m
merely agreeing, while adding my personal observation, which is far more
right-on. Most of the men I know would rather buy Coors Lite than Clorox.
Most would prefer to dine out than do dishes. And most would rather disappear
than dust.
In our house, however, the 20 percent rule is about right. Hubby Russell
is the Official Vacuumer (that’s about 20 percent of the chores).
I’ve always appreciated his manly-man ability to wield that seemingly
100-pound Eureka Bagless Cyclone in record-breaking time in and out of
tight nooks and crannies — unlike me, since I run into walls and
furniture, and the job takes me half a day.
But, now I read (from this same article) that Russell’s not the
only one vacuuming.
It seems that when men are confronted with household chores, the greatest
majority will indeed pick vacuuming. And again, though I thought Russell
was just being nice, I was sort of surprised at this quote from Randy
Sandlin, director of industrial design for Eureka, who said: “It’s
not like you can vacuum wrong because the vacuum does all the work.”
Do you think? Well, how about this? The same can be said for mopping the
kitchen floor, scrubbing the toilet and dusting the furniture. According
to those savvy commercials, the products do all the work, anyway, not
the person — man or woman — using the product. You merely
guide the mop, brush or rag as the deep-penetrating, super-power, built-in
action knocks the job out lickety-split.
Further into this article, author Tom McNulty is mentioned. He wrote a
book with this enigmatic title, “Clean Like a Man: Housekeeping
for Men (And the Women Who Love Them).” McNulty says men “have
no idea where to start, what tools to use, or how to do it right. Basically,
we’re confused, frustrated and intimidated.” Hogwash! I can’t
imagine a woman getting by with this arcane, whiney excuse.
It’s not like we’re asking men to rebuild an engine in a Corvette.
It’s housecleaning, guys! If a man — at least, my man —
can figure out how to play 18 holes of golf, keeping up with the birdies,
pars and bogies; choosing the right clubs consistently and adding up the
total score; he can certainly handle household chores.
Here’s a hint: You just do it! I can name that tune (or chore list)
in 10 seconds and here it is — broom, dustpan, mop, cleaner, sponge,
brush, bathroom all-purpose cleaner, dusting spray and rag, glass cleaner
and paper towels.
There you have it. Don’t be intimidated, guys. For goodness sakes,
what would Martha Stewart — the domestic diva — have to say
about all of this? Not, “it’s a good thing!” After all,
she’s been teaching us for years how to maintain the perfect home.
Of course, you notice she doesn’t have a man right now (at least
if she does, up-to-the-minute People magazine hasn’t said so and
they would know, right)? Maybe that’s why Martha doesn’t have
a man, come to think of it: She couldn’t get one trained to clean.