Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Don’t make
me have to tell your Mama
By Ann Ipock May
17, 2006
What do you do when a supposedly perfectly capable, responsible young
(or old) person lets you down for one reason or another? Well, if you’re
like me — a born and bred Southerner that was raised to be courteous
and mannerly — you TELL THEIR MAMA! Because when all is said and
done, how many of us really want to risk disappointing Mama?
I’ve always hated letting my Mama down and believe me — as
a child, she had a way of letting me know when I did! When I’d pick
flowers by the handful out of our yard, I’d get a good spanking.
“Ann, I’ve told you again and again. Do not pick flowers out
of my garden!”
I’d ask her how she knew and she’d say, “A little birdie
told me.” And yes, you’re darn right, that got my attention.
I’d be thinking: Flying, talking birds? It was enough to make a
believer out of me. Heck, I’d go so far as to turn the other cheek
with the first sign of spring, when the yellow daffodils popped up.
Another time, I went to my best friend’s house and we searched for
Venus fly traps, walking deep into the swampy woods, going directly against
my mother’s orders. When I came home later that day, Mama punished
me by banishing me to my bedroom for the rest of the afternoon. Again,
I asked her how she knew. This time she said, “Didn’t you
know that mothers have eyes in the back of their heads?”
This really scared me, thinking that maybe my family was from another
planet or something. But all of this is to say, I didn’t want to
MESS with Mama and I sure didn’t want to disappoint her.
But back to this responsible young person who let me down. Not too long
ago, I asked a young man if he would help me out with a community event,
as a volunteer for a program that encourages young folks to stay on track.
He promised to do his best, stating he simply had to check his calendar
and clear his schedule. He solemnly swore to call me back the next day.
Well, he didn’t, and he didn’t call the day after that, or
the day after that. After four days, I called him again. He apologized
profusely, and convinced me — fool that I am — that I could
count on him. He said if he couldn’t be there, he’d send an
associate. Either way, he’d let me know. I never heard another word
from him. Well, suffice it to say, I was fuming! Here, this well-known,
man about town and Southern gentleman — had let me down.
That night I told Hubby Russell this story, saying, “What’s
the problem with people nowadays, anyway?” Russell sided with me,
even nodding in agreement, then responded. In his usual sly and sarcastic
way, he gave me an oddball quote, “Ann, there are two things wrong
with the world today — ignorance and apathy.” He continued,
“Most people don’t know and don’t care.” But then
it hit me! I said, “Au contraire!
Letting me down is one thing, but letting his Mama down is a horse of
another color. His Mama sure would be disappointed.” Russell asked
me what I meant by that. I said, “I know his Mama. We went to church
with her. I’m going to tell her about this the next time I see her.”
Russell said I sure had a point, remembering back to the time he rode
his bike down to the river, defying his Mama’s strictest rule. She
marched down there and yanked a knot on him (as they say). She also drug
him back, saying, “No bike riding for three months!” And y’all,
that was at the beginning of summer!
So, I say to this young man now, “You know who you are and you know
what you did. However, I’ll let it go if you just promise me the
next time you have a chance to volunteer for the good of the community,
you will JUST DO IT! I’ll be listening and watching ‘cause
remember this: A little birdie will tell me — plus, I’ve got
eyes in the back of my head. In other words, if you mess up again, I’ll
definitely be forced to yell your Mama on you!”