Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Burning calories through both exercise and laughter
By Ann Ipock April 29, 2008
Being a writer, I love to take note of what people say, how they act and the things they do. Lately I've been in an exercise class called "Fit Over Fifty" at Gold's Gym and honey, it's about to kill me.
The title alone made me do a double take: "Is this a class doing simple calisthenics for much older, retired senior citizens?" or is it "Unrealistic, whipping the barely over 50-year-old crowd into cruel submission, ending in dire pain." You know, it could go either way.
Well, honey, it's neither and it's both. Since I began taking classes, I've lost almost 12 pounds; that's with going to the FOF class three times per week, other classes that feature yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi and eating a healthy diet. And this time, I actually look forward to the aerobics. Why?
Because the aerobics instructors there are a hoot! Talk about fun. The two I work with are Ellen, or should I say Enthusiastic Ellen, and Clarice, also known as Killer. I can say one thing with all honesty: If you don't burn calories in their class doing aerobics (FOF), you will most certainly burn calories laughing.
Ellen loves to talk about men and women and their differences. She is always making fun of hubby Ed (in a good way). And since I'm always making fun of hubby Russell (in a 'maybe, maybe not so good' way), she's got my attention. She told our class recently that it annoys her when they go out at night, she being dressed up and Ed in his uniform like Dickie's.
I know what she means. Russell has tried again and again to slip out with his black bedrooms slippers on (I am not making this up), but I always catch him.
Until recently.
Thank God he was running errands for me where no one would see him -- unless if you count the laundromat, where he picked up my down comforter that the dry cleaners would not touch. The laundromat not only touched it, they gladly washed, tumbled and fluffed it up for 18 bucks. He also dropped off a movie at Blockbuster. When he came home, he smirked and said, "Well, I finally did it." "What?" I said, not catching on. He just spread his arms. Then I noticed his attire: white T-shirt, gym shorts and bedroom slippers. I didn't know whether to laugh or bonk him over the head. Men!
Ellen also talks about menopause, since she is "getting ready to go through it," as she says. And isn't it funny how we women say "go through it" like it's a tunnel or something. Actually, it is a tunnel of sorts -- a tunnel of insomnia, sweat and irritability all rolled into one, but hitting at different parts of the day and sometimes simultaneously.
Well, according to Ellen, she's watching for the symptoms. Like the time she and her twin sister switched blankets. Her sister wanted the twin blanket, so Ellen took the queen blanket. Turns out Ellen woke up literally tied in knots by the dang blanket, but she was more alarmed by the perspiration she felt upon awakening than the entanglement.
She says she is now acutely aware of sweating, each time, wondering, "Is this it? Am I now going through the Big M?" But what's even funnier is the morning she woke up and saw a pimple, then said, "Yes! I'm not going through menopause." However, within seconds, she noticed a gray hair and said, "Oh no! I am going through menopause."
Clarice -- now, Clarice is a different bird altogether and she cracks me up. She grunts and moans a lot during the hour-long exercise class; but I swear to you, she KNOWS what she's doing. Somehow, in a sick, cathartic way, she makes us feel like she is feeling our pain. Not! Her kicks are higher, her lunges are deeper and all movements are more forceful. But oh, how I love it when she has us do that little hip movement with our feet planted together and it's like we're running in place.
Next she adds some cha-cha and some Mumbo, and suddenly it's like we're on Broadway. Then, after working our butts off (literally, or at least trying to) Killer's most notable line is this. (Keep in mind she is yelling this over Rick James' "Super Freak": "Are you breathing? Go ahead and start.") I get so tickled every time that I lose my place and double over in laughter.
The good news is, as I said, I think I'm burning calories even then.
My best friend, Carolyn Gee, called me this morning from Pawleys Island.
She thought she had the wrong number, hearing me so chipper at 10 a.m. I was not only awake and energized, but on my way to the gym. I needed a workout, but I also needed some laughter.
So try it, you might like it; that is, if you want to get fit over 50.