Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
I don’t
repeat gossip, so listen closely the first time
by Ann Ipock April
19, 2006
Women and gossip. Gossip and women. The connection is as old as Adam and
Eve. I’ve often wondered if Eve was prone to gossip; but I guess
not. What would she gossip about and to whom? Maybe it would go like this:
“Adam, you know that darned snake in the garden? Well, I hear he’s
nothing but trouble and I don’t trust him. Say, you want an apple?”
We blame so many of modern-day woes on Eve — moodiness, hormones,
hot flashes, temper tantrums. So, why not blame her for gossip too? Call
it rumors, hearsay, talking-behind-one’s back, or gossip: Everybody
does it. Or, do they?
I know women (and men) whose soul mission in life seems to be keeping
up with everybody else’s business. The problem with that is, who
do they think is watching their back when it’s turned? At the other
extreme: I know women (and men) who wouldn’t repeat a story even
if they had the proof to back it up. These people are not normal.
Remember when troubled individuals were referred to as “having baggage?”
Read: someone in the throes of therapy whose very problems stemmed from
some sordid, morbid and distorted childhood experience — like failing
second grade three times. When someone used the term “baggage”
you’d usually get to hear the whole story, or at least the juicy
parts. It didn’t matter if the person had ingrown toenails, bad
breath or multiple personality disorder. It didn’t matter if they
were getting a divorce, serving time in San Quentin or marrying their
first cousin, twice. It was kind of a sly way of gossiping without really
gossiping; and you could usually weasel out a little information from
the gossip-keeper if you were persistent.
However, I’ve noticed that lately the new buzz word to describe
suffering souls is “issues.” And it’s a hush-hush type
of thing. Before the word “issues” is even uttered, the speaker
lowers her voice, looks all around (as if the Mafia is watching) widens
her eyes and then whispers the word “issues.”
An example: Someone might refer to their new Jack-the-Ripper-appearing
neighbor, saying: “Did you see the new guy who moved into Apartment
2B? I hear he’s got ... issues.”
Talking this way can give the impression of a holier-then-thou attitude
and yet spread a cloud of mystery. Why is everybody so tight-lipped about
someone with “issues,” generally refusing any further discussion?
Dang! It drives me crazy! Why bait gossip-seekers like that? Once this
“accidental” slip of the tongue occurs, the speaker suddenly
shuts up or changes the subject. Here’s an example. A friend says,
“Did I tell you I heard that Marty is going to get fired at his
new job as a midnight watchman because he can’t stay awake second
shift?” As soon as you ask for details (which you would, of course)—“Is
he seeing a doctor? His poor family!”—an eerie silence takes
over. Next thing you know, your friend changes the subject with something
out of left field, like, “And did I tell you Mama had her cat declawed?
Except they couldn’t get to the fourth claw; so I’ve got to
drive her clear to Goshen to see a specialist.” I mean, after hearing
that, you kind of lose interest in old tired-and-fired Marty.
The only thing I can figure out is the “baggage” lingo comes
from folks who love to gossip. The “issues” lingo comes from
folks who either a) don’t like to gossip, b) don’t know the
whole story, or c) are just teasing — how rude!
Well, whether it’s baggage, issues or old-fashioned gossip; it’s
something I won’t repeat! So, like I said, you better listen closely
the first time.