Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
My bed or making
it up is killing me
By Ann Ipock April
04, 2007
OK, the bed itself is not exactly killing me. A tiny exaggeration. It’s
merely giving me a headache and a backache. Oh, and I’m not referring
to the mattress, it being soft, medium or firm, because I have no idea
what it is.
I’m talking about decorating (or redecorating) the bed itself. And
now that I’m finally finished with the project, I find that making
it up every morning — a full scale production — is REALLY
killing me.
Thanks to Bed in a Bag, or is it A Bed and a Bag or is it the Bagged Bed
or the Bedded Bag? Oh well, it doesn’t matter! I’ve succumbed
to this sales ploy before, where you get the bed skirt, the comforter,
the shams, the sheets and a throw pillow (if you’re lucky) for one
price. That, in and of itself, is where the decorating should end. Really.
But no. Recently I did the whole Bed/Bag Bugaboo, but felt let down when
I stood back and nothing “popped” — a term I’ve
heard interior designers use to indicate something stands out. I quickly
decided the bed needed more pillows — lots more pillows. One reason
being I had decorated in a gold and beige scheme. And it turned out so
boring! I should’ve known that only the color black — with
its flair and drama — could bring about the much-desired “pop”
I craved.
So, I went back to the store where, like a fool, I paid more for the two
pillows than the whole danged Baggy Bed. But that was OK because they
were black and gold SILK with cording and fringe! However, please don’t
tell hubby tightwad-Russell because I’ll deny it. And y’all,
I didn’t merely stop with those two pillows, I bought three more.
But really, the final three are what gave it that over-the-top, stand
back and shout, oh-so needed “pop.”
With the black and gold swirly pillows sitting next to the black and gold
diamond-checkered pillows, (two being reversible), I’ve got a right
purdy bedroom.
But it’s like anything else, when you remodel, you discover other
things that must be changed. Therefore, I bought a black leather Parson’s
chair, which meant I had to paint my white Parson’s table black
and change the blue and green Italian tile my sister Cathy (a resident
of Naples, Italy for three years) brought me from Italy.
Instead I put in a pitted gold Italian tile that I actually bought at
Lowe’s down the road. That meant I had to change some candles and
even repaint a wooden jewelry box. Who said redecorating is easy? Gosh,
I should own stock in Rustoleum, since I’ve been through four cans
of various spray paints already since my bedroom redesign began.
It’s tough following Martha Stewart’s home advice, y’know?
In fact, I draw the line when it comes to those “extras” like
laying a wooden tray on the bed with a dainty teapot and cup and saucer.
I don’t know about y’all, but Russell would think I’d
cracked up if I did all that. However…
One problem with my “perfect bed:” I find it takes me a half
hour to make it up every morning. First I shake out the sheets —
the 400 thread count gold Supima “world’s famous cotton”
sheets — then pull them all the way up and then half-way back and
up again, so the rough edges don’t show.
Then I pull up my Martha Stewart cotton blanket and pull it back even
farther so the entire blanket doesn’t show. Then I pull up the comforter
and again, fold it half back — but leave it there. That’s
because I want the contrasting striped gold to show next to the swirly
gold pattern. OK, now I sit down and rest a while because I’ve circled
around the bed about 10 times. After my resting period, I start with the
pillows: First the actual pillows we SLEEP on: plain white, nothing fancy,
and smashed down flat just right to fit our heads, touching the headboard.
Then the gorgeous gold pillow-cased pillows that we aren’t allowed
to use — for looks only. Then I lay out the two pillow shams and
get all four corners just right. At this point I reach back to the gold
pillows and pull them up HIGHER because I learned that trick by trial
and error — aren’t you glad you asked? Next comes the two
square silk rectangular pillows with the gold tapestry cording. Next the
criss-cross black and gold elongated pillow. Then the reversible gold
and black “envelope” pillow.
It’s so pretty I nearly cry. And then the piece de resistance: I
gently lay the other gold and black “envelope” pillow on my
black leather Parson’s chair. After all of these trips around the
bed, straightening, shaking and surveying, I stand there in a sweaty stupor.
Happy but exhausted, I stumble to the red sofa in the living room and
throw down the two meager pillows. Then I collapse, ready for a much-needed
nap.