Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Valentine’s
Day: Don’t make it hard on my heart
By Ann Ipock February
14, 2007
This is an open letter to boyfriends and husbands (especially my husband,
Russell) to remind you that today is a special holiday — and one
you don’t want to miss.
Of course, you already know this unless you’ve been hiding under
a rock. For weeks, we’ve been bombarded with sales inserts inside
the newspapers, banners displayed in store windows and TV and radio announcers
counting down the days. In fact, some of us have just gone right ahead
and reminded our better halves of this important celebration.
Forgetting this holiday ranks right up there with anniversary and birthday
omissions. In other words, bad! But just in case you didn’t get
this newsflash, here’s a hint: Cupid, red hearts, cards, chocolate,
wine, flowers and for the more refined, jewelry. The only thing missing
is, to quote the Beatles’ song, “All we need is love.”
Today is none other than Valentine’s Day; and this is one wife who
can’t wait to see how her husband responds.
Ever since Russell brought me home a few half-wilted pink carnations on
Valentine’s Day a few years back, he’s been trying to make
up for that disappointment. I know it’s the thought that counts,
but after my allergic reaction — the peppery smell caused me to
itch, sneeze and have watery eyes — he promised to never let another
carnation enter our home. Since then, he’s brought me the more traditional
candy and roses.
But the year he made that boo-boo, he admitted to stopping in a grocery
store late in the day — I’m sure it was an afterthought —
and found nothing left except that small bundle of raggedy petals. That
should have told him to keep searching.
We just happened to go inside that very same grocery store over the weekend
and I not only hinted, I said it outright: “Please don’t give
me carnations this year for Valentine’s Day.” He told me not
to worry, that he wasn’t planning to.
Actually, I don’t think he was planning on giving me anything. Russell
can be erratic with holidays and gift-giving.
I never know what to expect, a full-scale celebration or a card and a
kiss. But later I actually did see him sneak over to the card section.
In fact, when we checked out, he had the checker stuff something inside
a bag, then he ran inside the house and down the hall — I’m
sure to hide it.
Every Valentine’s Day I have this scenario set up my mind —
doesn’t every woman? Except it never comes true.
Russell will come through the door after work with a huge smile and a
bouquet of European flowers hid behind his back — calla lilies,
rugosa roses, cymbidium orchids and lavender.
Next he’ll swoop me off my feet and swing me around just to show
his happiness to see me.
Then he’ll tell me to close my eyes and he’ll present me with
a lovely keepsake — perhaps a crystal paperweight, an engraved letter
opener or a gold locket.
After a champagne toast, whereupon I read the lovely poem he wrote me
inside the card, we’ll head out to a surprise dinner-and-dance river
cruise. The night sky will be twinkling with stars and a full moon, and
we’ll giggle like teenagers. We’ll finish off the meal with
flaming Cherries Jubilee for dessert. After this, we’ll come home
and watch a classic TV movie—maybe the one with Cary Grant, an “Affair
to Remember.” No, that one’s too sad. How about “Sleepless
in Seattle” (which has a much happier ending)? After that, we’ll
fall into bed and snuggle — a perfect ending to a romantic, memorable
and fabulous Valentine’s Day. Ahhhhhh…
Wait a minute. What was I thinking? I don’t believe this fantasy
is going to take place after all.
No, it would take the paramedics way too long to revive me after I fainted.
And that would be just from the sight of that bouquet — we’d
never make it to the keepsake gift or the dinner cruise. A surprise is
one thing but an all-out shock like that would just be too hard on my
heart. On second thought, our usual quiet dinner out, followed by exchanging
cards with corny but sincere prose is about all us old lovers can handle.
And that’s the truth!