Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Holiday attire
for Grinch and Grouch
By: Ann Ipock December
13, 2007
When we started getting invitations for Christmas parties and when we
marked our calendars for neighborhood socials and church cantatas, I went
into my closet, just like I do every year, and surveyed my choices.
Hmmmm ... same as years past, I thought. Then I moved all of my holiday
attire from the back of the closet to the front of the closet - again,
my yearly ritual.
This included two vests, one decorated with sequined nutcrackers and another
decorated with appliquéd old-timey toys, my black sweater with
the Santa who has precious white feathers for a beard, the red sweatshirt
that my mother cross-stitched Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer on, a red
long-sleeved T-shirt that says "Naughty or Nice?" with a high
heel, a black sweater with poinsettias around the collar, a sweater set
and a couple of turtlenecks.
In other words, winter clothes for the winter season of Christmas, i.e.,
cold weather, blustery winds and gloomy days.
But guess what? It doesn't feel like that right now. The sun is out, the
birds are singing and it's downright hot. I can't wear those clothes now.
Today as I ran errands picking out wrapping paper, more garland and special
gifts, I had the air conditioner on in my car, and it was 83 degrees outside.
Geez.
I guess since I love decorating for Christmas - the colors, the textures,
the shapes, the uniqueness - I love wearing holiday clothing: Gold sparkles,
red velvet, black fur and everything in-between. Remember when many of
us decorated Christmas sweatshirts with colored glue pens?
One season stands out: I made and wore a bluish-green sweatshirt to my
knees with ivory leggings underneath. I decorated the sweatshirt with
a huge Christmas tree, which had multi-colored lights and ornaments, and
topped it off with a gold star.
I was styling, honey! (Or so I thought.) I believe I also wore a bluish-green
bow to match in my hair.
You read that right, in my hair. Eeeeeeew! I'm sorry, but the thought
of that now just cracks me up.
I wish I had a dollar for every piece of holiday clothing I've ever bought
- including Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, the Fourth of
July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and, of course, as I mentioned, Christmas.
You'd think the retailers would give us a break since we only wear these
clothes a week or so out of the year. Au contraire!
It's just the opposite, really; it seems we pay more, perhaps double?
But evidently we're crazy enough to buy them because the manufacturers
surely keep on making them.
Well, y'all, after this past weekend, it might not matter what I think
of my Christmas wardrobe, because it's too hot to wear any of it. What
if it stays this warm when we go to Russell's office Christmas party in
a couple of days?
Wouldn't that be strange? I DO want to wear something festive.
Well, I came up with an idea today when I was out and about.
I went to the local craft store and bought an apple green feather boa,
some miniature red pom-poms, red grosgrain ribbon and two small wooden
"Merry Christmas" emblems. I already had a pair of new flip-flops.
They don't call me the "Flip Flop Queen" for nothing. I was
out to prove it once again. I came home and got out my old but reliable
Parker glue gun and went to work. Twenty minutes later, voila! Christmas
flip flops!
I was so proud. I actually felt rather clever. What is that saying? "Necessity
is the mother of invention?" I couldn't wait to show hubby Russell.
I strolled past him, proud as a peacock, as he sat there in his recliner
entranced with Holly Hunter in "Saving Grace."
"Well, what do you think?" I said, smiling ear to ear. I should've
known better. He looked down at my feet, and, with a smirk, said, "You
look like the Grinch!"
That's all right. I got him back when I said, "Well, you look like
the Grouch!" At least one of us is in the holiday mood. Merry Christmas,
y'all!