Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Georgetown
Times
Resolutions?
Not when chocolate rules
By Ann Ipock January
11, 2006
I purposely waited a full week after New Year’s Day to announce
my New Year’s resolutions.
For good reason, too: I thought I could outsmart myself. I figured by
mastering the highest-priority resolution (lose weight and shape up through
proper nutrition and exercise) for a good while — I’m talking
since September — this would ensure success.
Then when I said it out loud in January, it would’ve already been
happening. Sneaky? Perhaps. Reverse psychology? Maybe. But not altogether
without merit.
I’m competitive by nature and more so with myself than anyone else.
I don’t like to fail and I don’t accept defeat well. Plus,
there is something rather virtuous about accomplishing goals that we set
for ourselves. Maybe it’s because we can give ourselves a pat on
the back, a thumbs up or a wink. Actually, hollering “You go, girl!”
knowing that you just DID is an awesome feeling!
The thing is, I had returned to working out regularly at Health Point
this past September with all good intentions. I’d slacked off during
the summer, opting to walk occasionally on the beach instead, not at a
particularly brisk pace, I might add. In other words — I got lazy.
So, I made an appointment with my assigned E.P. (exercise physiologist),
Angela. She did a full reassessment on me, much to my chagrin.
Here’s why: If you want to talk about being humbled, just let a
smart, attractive, in-shape 20-something-year-old, tanned blonde measure
your hips and thighs. I’m glad the folks working at the gym have
high moral standards. Otherwise, they could make a lot of money selling
the clients’ secret numbers! At least mine would be easy to remember:
40-40-40. But then again, who would care?
I was doing pretty well on my “New Me” workout until Thanksgiving.
As usual, we went out of town to visit family. And being out of town means
no “workouts.” I justify this by saying I am there to visit
family (and shop and eat out—the important stuff!) and there’s
no time for anything else. Though three walks around Triangle Town Center
burn up lots of calories. For our Thanksgiving meal (which served 16 guests)
I counted the dishes at Kelly’s house, our daughter in Raleigh.
They numbered 26! There was so much food, in fact, that it was placed
in several locations: the dining room table, the kitchen table, the countertops,
on top of the refrigerator and the fireplace mantel. Still — I came
home more determined than ever and kept up with my daily gym trek.
Then the Christmas holidays came and I found myself severely lacking in
self-restraint, will power and creativity. I TRIED to pick healthy choices:
For instance, I ate lots of celery. It is, after all, cruciferous and
a great “detergent food.” (I learned that in dental hygiene
school many years ago.) Sad to say: It was stuffed with rich cream cheese,
mayonnaise and olives (a family recipe). I ate lean, low-fat, fresh turkey
— but then slathered it with gravy. I rounded out my platter with
what was to be colorful, healthy green beans. I’m not sure, but
I think I caught a glimpse of someone (who?) spooning a couple of dollops
of bacon grease in the pot.
Every dish that seemed benign turned out to be bogus. Sweet potatoes?
Full of beta-carotene, right? Yes. But they were also full of butter,
maple syrup, marshmallows and pecans. What about that healthy broccoli
packed with Vitamin A and C? Well, those vitamins were probably fighting
with melted butter and drizzled cheese.
So, now I’m finding that the New Year’s resolution I have
set may indeed take the entire year to achieve, simply to correct the
recent two weeks of insulin shock my body is suffering. Depending on how
I look at it, this was the best year or worst year for Christmas and New
Year goodies. Everywhere I turned I was offered peanut butter balls, chocolate
fudge, macadamia nut mix, lemon bars and various pies and cakes. One particular
cup of coffee I was served had real whipping cream floating atop the steaming
hazelnut treat. (Oh, and did I mention our nephew’s wedding New
Year’s Eve with an impressive reception chock full of rich food?)
Here’s an idea for an alternative in the future: The week before
Christmas all the way up to the week after New Year’s, just slide
me up to an I.V. pole with dripping glucose about three times a day. That
way I won’t be tempted to eat 10 pounds of sugar and fat. And I
know I’m not alone in this thinking. My regular friends at Health
Point — namely Doris, Janice, Kate, Margaret, Grace and a few others
and I — pretty much sweated bullets on the Precor, the treadmill
and the Stairmaster — then confessed later to consuming gobs of
goodies at recent parties, open houses, family meals and the like.
Oh no! I’ve just realized the pigging out is not over: We’re
headed out tomorrow to our annual Morris family reunion at Emerald Isle
for four days. And folks are begging me to bring Congo squares that the
Georgetown Times ran in a food section a couple of weeks ago. So, perhaps
the second week of January isn’t the time to time to announce (or
stick to) my New Year’s resolutions.
Maybe I should wait until January is over and try for February. But then
again, Valentine’s Day comes, and chocolate rules once again!