Ann
Ipock
Humorist,
author, speaker
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Myrtle Beach Herald
Area Business Journal
Board Meetings and Bored Meetings Gone Bad
By Ann Ipock Feb. 16, 2006
I once interviewed a woman named Haley who shared with me the most embarrassing moment of her life: She was attending a board meeting at a posh hotel in a large city. The swanky room was filled with tropical plants, low lights and expensive mahogany furniture. Executives and dignitaries would be discussing various reports and P&L statements. This was when smoking was not only accepted, it was more common than not. Haley—a bright, sophisticated, sharply dressed woman—had been to the salon earlier that week for her bi-weekly manicure. She was among the first (a trendsetter, for sure) to have artificial nails applied; and she was most proud of her long, oval-shaped, fire-engine red nails. When the time came to make her presentation, she stood up in her smart herringbone suit. Before she spoke, she took a long drag off her cigarette, then waved her hand around flamboyantly, making a point of her understaffed and overworked team. In no time, though, she became distracted by puzzled, distraught faces staring back at her. Then, she began to smell an obnoxious odor. Of all things: Her pinky nail was on fire! To make matters worse, she could not extinguish it. She had to run out of the room and down the hall to the nearest faucet. She told me that ironically her pinky didn’t hurt—at least, not nearly as bad as her pride.
A neighbor of mine retired to this area from Texas where he was the CEO of a large recycling plant. He told me a story about a particular plant manager named John, whom, though an exemplary employee, was a terrible listener. At meetings, he would usually fall asleep towards the end of a presentation. No matter the time of day or the content of the meeting, he never lasted through the whole thing. Coincidentally, quite often the meeting would adjourn just as he began to nod off; so it wasn’t a huge problem.
In fact, most folks didn’t even notice the snafu, but my friend did; though he let it “slide” because he’d been told that John had a sleeping disorder. However, one time this manager fell asleep half-way through the meeting and had to be physically roused before waking up. My friend walked around the room to where John was sitting and shook him, saying, “Wake up” Wake up! You’re disturbing the meeting. It’s okay if you go to sleep, but don’t snore!”
And finally: A small group
of engineers and executives from a communications company traveled on
the company jet to the conglomerate’s headquarters, where the quarterly
meeting was to be held. Well, you know how we women are: Before we settle
down to business—especially after a long flight—we have to
do a personal assessment: Hair, lipstick, clothes. And that means first
hitting the ladies’ room where we powder our noses, straighten our
skirts and take care of whatever else needs taking care of. My friend
Sherry was the last to arrive in the board room on this particular day,
and therefore, the last one to sit down. She walked into the meeting,
closed the door behind her and immediately sensed that something was wrong.
Everyone who had gathered at the table looked down to where she stood.
One woman sitting there actually ran her fingers through her hair, trying
to point inconspicuously to Sherry’s predicament. Taking the clue,
Sherry looked straight down to her feet, horror-struck. There, she discovered
a long piece of toilet paper trailing behind her, stuck to the bottom
of her high-heel. Thanks to Sherry, that meeting was anything but boring.